Coping with Change

Change. It’s inevitable. Everything changes. The seasons change. People change. Clothing styles change. Everything and everyone is subject to change.

Some of us cope with change well. We view change as exciting, challenging, invigorating. Others of us don’t respond well to change at all. Our reaction to it can range anywhere from intimidation to paralyzation and we resist it at all costs.

I’m among those who don’t deal well with change. Once, without warning me, my wife Elizabeth re-arranged all of the furniture in the living room while I was at work and practically sent me into shock. It took me a week to recover and actually admit to her that I liked the new arrangement.

The Bible, as we know, has a great deal to say about change. In fact, if you were to sum up in one word what the Bible teaches respecting the purpose of our existence here on earth, that word might be “change.” We are changed at baptism. We become new creatures. We are to strive to change during our Christian walk to be more like Christ. Ultimately we are looking forward to a change from physical to spirit life.

Change is inescapable. We aren’t given the option in life not to experience change. So for those of us who don’t particularly care for a lot of change it’s important that we come to terms with it and accept it as part of life and part of our Christian walk.

I once attended a seminar at work that was designed to offer encouragement to people like me. It seems there are a fair number of us out there. The presenter who gave this seminar said that a common problem those who don’t like change share is that they try to control too much. The more we try to control, the more we feel anxious and out of control because the more there is that is potentially subject to change.

This presenter drew a circle on the board and then drew another circle inside of that and still another circle inside of that. It resembled a large bulls eye. This bulls eye he labeled the circle of control. He then labeled the small inner circle, “things I can change.” He labeled the next ring of the bulls eye, “things I can influence.” The outer ring of the bulls eye he then labeled “things I can’t control.” He went on to explain that many frustrations, anxieties in life are a result of focusing too much on things outside of our circle of control and influence. He encouraged us to spend the lion share of our time dealing primarily on those things we can control, a little less time on those things we can influence, and spend very little time on those things that are out of our control. In doing this we would find our anxiety level regarding change begin to diminish.

Of course, we can take that one step further with regard to our spiritual walk. If I focus on the things I can change in myself and leave those things I can’t change to God, as a Christian, I will not only be less anxious when changes occur, but I should actually find peace knowing that God is in control. It's just a matter of changing my perspective. And that's a change I can deal with.

Two weeks ago I was driving home on my hour and a half commute, dreading what awaited to greet me upon arrival at my driveway.  A wet, heavy snow had been falling for much of the night before and had continued mercilessly throughout the day. To make matters worse, my ancient snow blower which had gone on the fritz last season was still out of commission. "So much for curling up in front of the fireplace with a good book," I thought. What remained of my evening would be spent in the bitter cold, pushing and heaving, pushing and heaving, occasionally interrupted by brief pauses to rub my aching back.   "Looks like an Ibuprofen night for me." I muttered to myself. "I'm gonna need the maximum dosage after dealing with this mess."  Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to the chore. 

Imagine my joy and amazement when I turned onto our street and my eyes fell upon my driveway, incredibly free of snow! "Could that really be my driveway?!" "And could that really be my son standing there in my driveway, holding my snow shovel, tossing the last bit of snow into the yard?!" Yes, it was! My evening was not to be a miserable ordeal after all.

Now, it must be said that he hadn't done a perfect job.  There were a few areas he missed.  The path he shoveled from the road to the garage was about two feet narrower than it should have been.  But that didn't matter to me.  In my mind, he couldn't have pleased me more had he brought in a Zamboni and cleared the entire yard! My son had shoveled that driveway without being asked, of his own free will, and that fact alone qualified his work as pretty near perfect in my book.  

   

What could possibly have motivated this strange behavior?  This wasn't among the chores I had given him. And believe me, he had plenty of his own to deal with. He couldn't have done it in hopes of getting something for the effort.  Both our children know we don't play that game.  So what could possibly have motivated him to pick up the shovel? Could it be that he knew how much I would be pleased...how happy it would make me? Could it be he was responding out of gratitude for all that I had done for him in his short life?  Nahh...couldn't be...could it?  If it was, and I do believe it was, man, was it ever effective. I, and my 45 year old back, were not only pleased, but absolutely elated with him that evening. My boy had made his dad proud. The Ibuprofen bottle would stay in the cupboard for some other day.

In 1 John 4:15 - 18 we read: "Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.  And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.  There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."

I have to admit that there was  time when my Christian walk held it's share of torment. So much of my obedience at one time was motivated less by my love for God than by a hope that He would love and accept me because of the effort.   If I could somehow manage to overcome enough, build enough character, stay on the straight and narrow, perhaps I could be accounted worthy  to one day be accepted into His Family.  If not, well, that wasn't an outcome I wanted to contemplate. Bottom line, I was in a relationship with God based not on love, but on fear; a very real fear that I just wouldn't make the cut.

You know, from a human perspective, we do so many things in this life motivated out of fear, don't we?  We pay our taxes so Uncle Sam doesn't come after us. We drive the speed limit so we don't get a ticket.  We fill our cupboards with supplements and pills so we don't get old or die before our time. There no end to the fears that can torment us in this world:  Death, taxes, rejection, failure, vast right wing conspiracies, left wing lunacy, teenage children with credit cards, ...you fill in the blanks...the list could go on and on. I just can't believe the Father intended His relationship with us to be among the things on that list, can you?

Of course our heavenly Father wants and expects obedience from us. But He doesn't want it motivated by fear, compulsion or a quid pro quo.  He wants us to obey because our hearts are set on returning the love He has so freely given us. He wants a response of the heart. When we are motivated by a heartfelt gratitude for all that He has done for us;  for saving us when we couldn't save ourselves; for bringing us into His family; that is when, I believe, we bring Him the most joy.

After all, isn't that what abiding in His love is really all about?  His love in us, filling us, assuring us of our place in His Family, enabling us to have bold confidence to come to Him, knowing that, despite our frailties, despite our weaknesses and imperfections, despite not having done a perfect job of shoveling the driveway, He is pleased with us. Isn't it knowing that we are accepted and secure in His love?

It's the heart behind the effort, not the perfect result of the effort, that makes our Dad proud.  And that's motivation enough for anyone.

Something to Smile About

Written by Tony Stith

I think Christians need to smile more often. Yes, I know life is a serious matter. There is much to be concerned about, much to despair about, in this world. Internationally, there is tension on the Korean peninsula; continuing war in Iraq and Afghanistan; the increasing threat of war with Iran; the potential menace of a radical Islam, a communist China that is rising in power and eminence; and the list goes on.

Here at home the picture isn't much brighter. God is being tossed out of our schools and our civic life; battles are waging over the definition of marriage and the rights of the unborn to life; gas prices are draining our pocket books; illegal aliens are streaming over our borders and draining the resources of our economy and terrorism is no longer something that happens somewhere else in the world. These are the realities we live with. It's enough to wipe the smile away from even the most jovial among us.

Why then, Christian, should we smile? Ephesians 5:19 tells us that we as Christians should be "singing and making melody in (our) heart to the Lord...". It's difficult to make melody in your heart while your mind is consumed with the negative realities and Godlessness around us.

So, how do we do it? Should we strive to remain oblivious and detached from this world's problems? I don't believe so. We are told in Ezekiel 9:4 to "sigh and cry for the abominations that are done in this world." We can't very well be oblivious to the problems around us and simultaneously lament them.

So how, then, are we supposed to make melody in our hearts and sigh and cry at the same time? How does that work?

The answer is simply this: Our internal reality must overpower and supersede the external one. We, as Christians, although recognizing and lamenting the state of our current world, should be primarily driven by, influenced by and responsive to our hope and confidence in Jesus Christ which is our internal, and eternal, reality. The joy that our focus on that reality brings supersedes and overwhelms the negativity that living in this world would otherwise produce.

We are Ambassadors of a better world to come. If we are to be Ambassadors for Him, our countenance, both inside and out, should reflect that reality.

So does that mean we should all walk around with cheesy grins on our faces? No, not necessarily. Although, for some Christians, a little more smiling wouldn't be a bad idea. We can't very well portray the joy that is in our hearts when all that is etched on our faces is gloom and doom. The witness of a somber Christian is a bit like the ship captain who tells his passengers the boat's not going to sink as he straps on his life vest and jumps into a life boat. He's not very believable.

If our focus is on the hope that lies within us, the joy that is produced by that focus can't help but overflow to our outward countenance. We will have a little extra spring in our step; a glimmer in our eye; and yes, the corner's of our mouth will tend to turn up a little more often. That smile you have on the inside can't help but occasionally spill over to the outside.

So, my dear Christian brothers and sisters. Do we live in a messed up world? Yes. Is it getting worse daily? Definitely, Yes. Should we be concerned and at times saddened by what we see around us? Our God is, so, yes, we should be as well. Should these realities, however, overwhelm and cause us despair? Most definitely No. The realities of this world are temporary. The reality we live in, we focus on, is eternal. That's certainly something to smile about.